Talking about sex can be so challenging for us, especially while we are in the midst of a whirlwind of cocks, balls, fantasy and, unfortunately, mounds of pressure that we put on ourselves to be perfect sex partners – whatever that means! There are many reasons as to why we may not advocate for what we want. So often, we may not even be in touch with our own true desires; we likely show up and do what we have always done. Perhaps we strive to perform whatever assumptions we have absorbed from porn or from uninformed peers. Or, perhaps we elect to “go with the flow” instead of steering towards our own fulfillment. Maybe we feel unworthy of getting what we want. Whatever the cause of our own personal silence, the vast majority of us have never been encouraged to talk openly about our realities and logistics of real sex – the kind of sex that we co-create in real time with another being. When we begin opening up to our partners about what we like, what we want, and what we may not like, we refine our connections and throttle the excitement and authenticity in our sex. As authenticity increases, so does pleasure.

Play this game with a lover in a structured way, or simply utilize these cues to practice bringing your desire into a more fully embodied experience. You can direct your lover using words, movements, sounds and gestures. Our mother language is the body, so sometimes, even using your hand to guide him to where you want to be touched can be a profound revelation to your partner. The important feature of this practice is to take turns directing the flow of sex in order to get it just right for yourself and your buddy.