In couplehood, we seldom truly leave behind the threat of being separated. In best cases, we develop deep trust with each other, using the best tools that we have. Even in the strongest of bonds, to acknowledge the potential of what exists outside of sexual exclusivity can be perceived and immediately experienced as a psychological threat. We feel this in our visceral reactions of jealousy, envy and our desires to control.

These are natural reactions to threatening experiences. At the same time, deep within our hearts and minds, many of us can feel desires that go beyond our partnerships, triads and polly pods. We feel our own inner conflicts to stay safe while maintaining an adventurous spirit. While some of us might rather seek tighter containment and forgo outside sexual connection, others of us may shy away from containment all together – so much so that it becomes difficult to build trust. There is as thin a line between security and rigidity, as there is between flexibility and chaos. Every relationship must negotiate its own needs, wants, boundaries and ways of holding each other closely, as well as, strategic ways to manage the paradox of safety vs. freedom. Everyone involved thrives within a bond that encourages personal evolution.

When a relationship feels ready to increase capacity for playing with outside forces, one exciting way to integrate the mythical “third” into a partnership is the threesome or cuckold scene. Deep honesty can be thrilling, both to ourselves and to our partners.